Jason Taylor knew where he was signing when he saw this picture...
Sitting at a New York City bar that served beer to two young men, both age 26, same first and last name, with identical facial traits, The Likely Lad and I stared at a poster of the 1986 Mets. "That'll be 25 years ago next year," Lad said admiring Danny Heep's mugshot. "When we come back in 2036, it will be a picture of Greene, LT, Sanchez, Keller, Slauson..." That's exactly when I interrupted and told him to shut up so the Football Gods wouldn't hear the end of his blasphemous prophecy.
So, now that you know what we're doing on our bye week, let us continue sharing the bye week itineraries we stole from the Jets locker room!
In their own words, of course...
Kellen Clemens: Dishing dirt to Belichick about our meetings, practices, and unknown injuries.
What? You didn't think I'd really accept them bringing in old man Favre to take my job, then that pretty boy Sanchez, and then this season, the ultimate disrespect, they brought in the friggin' ancient statue of Mark Brunell, made him second-string, made me take a paycut, and then announced they had put a waiver claim in for Trent Edwards when the Bills released him---have you ever seen that guy play?! When I talked over the paycut-demotion with my agent on Hard Knocks, we were really ironing out terms with Belichick for the season. Just because I'm from a state that still allows people to vote through the mail for presidential elections, doesn't mean I'm stupid!
Mark Brunell: Staring at my goddess of a daughter. My lord is she smokin'. Every day I get older, she gets more bangin'. I hate it! Sanchez is definitely hitting that! F**k my life!
Jason Taylor: Plotting to destroy Sanchez's pretty boy face. Y'all don't know this, but I hate that little bitch! He thinks he's prettier than me! I only came to this garbage franchise so I could ruin him. Take a look at my resume: Male model, Dancing With The Stars runner-up, and of course, I married Zach Thomas' sister! He was my best friend and teammate in Miami, and I was porking his sister the whole time! Sanchez ain't got nothin' on me. Did you see those pictures of him in GQ??? 'Nuff said!
Kyle Wilson: Going to back to Idaho! I can't handle this NFL shit. Notice that I went from Week One starter to the backup of Drew Coleman AND Dwight Lowery. They stiiiiink! The worst part is they put me at punt returner now. As soon as they realize you suck, that's where you go. Shit man, that's where McKnight went in the preseason! I miss blue fields and playing San Jose State every week.
Jerricho Cotchery: Respect.
Vladimir Ducasse: Hiding my secret...
I never played football before this year! Those pictures and tapes of me at UMASS? That was just some guy I paid to get me drafted. Second rounder who grew up in Haiti and never played football before the end of high school? Give me a break! Tannenbaum is a good dude but he was super oblivious on this one. You'd think with how ugly I am (I came in second and third in King Ugly competition!), that he would've realized the guy I paid was the dude from The Blind Side. I love that guy!
Every Female Jets Employee: Takin' mah girls to Vegassssss!!!! Ow owwwwww! Ever since that Spanish chick came up in hur and those boys started hooting like hyenas and tossin' footballs at her, and that Sterger girl showed everyone Favre's cock-shots, Mr. Johnson has been paying for me to go on vacations every weekend! Last month, he even got me and my girlfriends male escorts onnn...duhhhh....housssse! During training camp we were stuck counting Rex's M & M's intake and recording made-up fines, but now we livin' the high life! Cabo last weekend, Vegas this weekend, and next weekend? We goin' to Tahiti! Teach me how to Dougie! Teach me how to Dougie!...Sing it ladies! (Altogether) Teach me how to Dougie! Teach me how to Dougie!
Tanner Purdum: Defecting to North Korea so I don't even have the option of coming back here. This team is too good for me to be its long snapper! Forget Slauson! This season is going to be lost when I crap myself on the Super Bowl-winning field goal and snap the ball thirty feet over the holder's head.
Why are there no goddamn direct flights to Pyongyang?!no comments
Ever notice their resemblance to the Jet twins?
Before we continue the Jets Bye Week Plans series, let's give a huge round of applause to The Likely Lad for kicking us off like Nick Folk in Denver or John Hall circa 1998, whichever you prefer.
Vernon Gholston: Going to hang out with Clowney. Oh crap. He's in Carolina now? Who am I going to play pool with? Let's see. Hmm...fer real though, the team let me play early this season but now I'm riding the bench again. I thought Rex said my balls was dropping?! Wait, why am I talkin' wit such paw grammah. Has anyone heard me speak before?! Wait, what's McKnight doing??
Joe McKnight: I'm'o vomit all week!
Nick Folk: Capitalizing on my hot start to the season! Hosting kicking clinic in Jersey. People here are so oblivious. Last year with Dallas I was 14-17 on FG heading into our Week Ten game with the Packers. Know what I did after that? I went 4-11 down the stretch and got cut in Week Fifteen! But shhhh, no one here knows.
Braylon Edwards: I've got more shit to tell you about! Training with mah boy Michael Phelps! Y'all forget we're boys?! That boy was stoned off his arse when he pulled in those eight medals! That bong he got caught with? Mine! They can't catch a homie driving toaaaaasted!
Robert Turner, Wayne Hunter: RT: Doing twin shit together. WH: We're gonna go around and score, and we can like score with the same chick because she won't know the difference because, eheh, eheh, the same pair of balls created us. RT: You said balls, uhuh, uhuh. WH: Shutup, Robert. Eheh, eheh. RT: So are we going to score or not this weekend?
Bart Scott: Fuck you think I'm doing? Madbacker is going to get violent! I'm going to run around the neighborhood with my helmet on hitting every little kid on their bicycle in the head! I hate this new rule. This isn't a sport for silly nannies. This is a man's sport! Neighborhood children: Keep your head up, Bart's coming for you!
Mike Westhoff: Visiting Satele at his freaking pizza stand in the Bronx. And that damn bike crew? Where the hell are they? Where's my cane?! I need to lay the beat down on those punks! I'm going to cut someone!
Antonio Cromartie: Getting my nut off...again! Why do you think I'm playing like Cro from '07 again? It's cos I'm pro-creating again, baby! That's what you do when you operate Alcrotraz! Ain't no protection out here from nothing! Get ready to meet Buffalo "Wings" Cromartie, Big Titties Nightclub Cromartie, and of course, Mile High Cromartie. London and Jersey are going to love their new siblings!
Rex Ryan: Eating a goddamn snack!no comments
Credit to Buddy for finding the image off Schottenheimer's background
The Jets may be off duty until Sunday night, but the RexSanchez I-Team knows no bye week. Our dedicated squad of investigative hackers infiltrated the Florham Park intranet late last night and by this morning Buddy and I had in our possession a detailed account of the players' off-week plans. Our sources tell us everyone from the Sanchize to Joe McKnight and Ben Hartsock were asked by management to submit an itinerary of sorts for the upcoming five days... These are, of course, the players in their own words.
Mark Sanchez-- Day One: Game tape. Terrible picks on Sunday. Dumb! Dumb! Stupid! Never again! Day Two: Play Madden noon to 8 p.m... Jets vs Packers. Remind me to drop Nick Barnett from Packers linebackers. Ryan Grant, too. Will invite Vern over to play defense. Needs reps. Day Three: R&R. Spend some time on the web looking for new image to set as background on Shotty's computer. The Rainbow-Ejaculating Unicorn from training camp is getting stale. Day Four: Fly to So-Cal. Dial up Jamie-Lynn. If she doesn't pick up, head over to Toys 'R' Us at Inland Empire, buy NFL trading cards until I find my rookie card. Gonna be worth A LOT one day! If I work hard and study tape. Day Five: Sushi.
Matt Slauson-- Visit Dr. Katz. Get re-fill on Valium... Visit St. Patrick's Cathedral; pray to baby Jesus that I will not make one wrong move and leave Mark naked and vulnerable to tragic, career-ending injury... On Friday, Lamaze class with girlfriend. With her support and better practiced breathing techniques I can beat these dark ideations and panic attacks. Saturday: Squeeze testicles in vice. Must feel something BESIDE crippling anxiety over my forthcoming role in Mark's injury. Sweet Mark, how could I do this to him?
Nick Mangold-- Go home to Ohio and wrestle my sister; her weight advantage, strength, and stamina will keep me in tip-top shape during the lull. I will also send hourly tweets making fun of Dustin Keller's head, Braylon Edwards alma mater, and Mark Sanchez's... everything. Will also work to publicize my #SeemsDumb twitter meme.
Dustin Keller-- Sleep with 6' 4", racially/ethnically ambiguous model after dinner in Meat Packing, drinks at Lavo, and late night Smoothies. Get jimmy hats boy-eeee, beforehand.
T-Rich: Down to Bayou for new pins/stakes for my John Conner voodoo doll.
Conner: Buy T-Rich Dad of the Year t-shirt.
Braylon Edwards: Work on my Dougie. Also, get number in my phone for Woody's Prayer-Profess Program. I don't see how the calling on the Lord is gonna get me home from the club at 4:30 in the ayem but I love it here and don't want to mess up again.
Santonio Holmes: Smoke blunts, bitch. Ain't nothing gonna change me, bitch. Super Bowl MVP, bitch.
LaDainian Tomlinson: F**k Norv Turner. F**k AJ Smith. F**k Rivers and offensive line. Tattoo the above on neck. Make sweet love to wife. Stationary bike. In that order.
Shaun Ellis: P.F. Chang's.
To be continued!no comments
Really, it's OK. Just believe. It feels good.
On a day the Jets played like poo, on a day they were outrushed by an inferior rushing attack, on a day they didn't deserve to win, they won.
The Jets made countless mistakes and were flagged for a myriad of idiotic penalties. Mark Sanchez threw a pair of interceptions and should have been picked off at least two other times. Santonio Holmes inexplicably ran into his blocker on an end-around and fumbled away a golden opportunity in Broncos territory. And on the worst play of the day, the Jets scored a hat trick of errors, allowing a 29-yard reception to Brandon Lloyd, committing (an unwarranted) person foul, and challenging the reception based off nothing other than his anger about the play. Denver scored a touchdown two plays later.
It was an odd game that could have only taken place a mile above sea level. There was only one kick return out of nine kickoffs and both place kickers made field goals of 55+ yards (with ease). Playing in Denver is like playing on the moon---it's not your typical football game.
Despite all these eccentricities and errors, the Jets found themselves down only four points with 3:55 remaining in the game. After a pair of third down conversions to Braylon Edwards and Santonio Holmes, the Jets had a first down at their own 48-yard line.
Tomlinson scratches out a four yard run up the middle. Incomplete pass. Incomplete pass.
So here it is, fourth-and-6, one final play to keep the patient breathing. Sanchez drops back to pass, rolls out to his left, surveys the field and heaves a bomb downfield to Santonio Holmes. The pass falls incomplete.
4-2, second place.
Wait, what is that oddly shaped piece of yellow laundry doing on the field?!
Based on the day's events, I assumed it was offensive pass interference. That referee wouldn't really have the balls to call a 46-yard pass interference penalty on Renaldo Hill and essentially hand the Jets a victory, right? Well, the large-gonaded ref made the right call. I know at first glance it's a cheeky penalty, but if the defender pulls the facemask of the wide receiver as the two fight for position on a pass, 100 times out of 100 that is pass interference.
In previous years maybe the Jets don't get that call, but this year, this wonderful, beautiful, tantalizing, quite possibly dream-come-true year, they got it.
Oh, right. A couple of botched snaps never hurt either.
5-1, first place.
Before we start, I'd like to politely tell Josh McDaniels to suck it. I know that sounds childish and immature, but him waving a celebratory Number One Finger in the air as he ran to the locker room at halftime had to be the biggest overreaction of a celebration in NFL history. That kind of action is reserved for moments like, you know, when you complete the greatest upset in Super Bowl history and are named the game's MVP.
I really liked the way Sanchez played today. No joke. I know he stunk for the first 56 minutes, but hey, that was bound to happen. He had been so good all season. When the crucible was its hottest though, Sanchez overcame the early-game turnovers, stood tall, and made a pair of huge throws on the winning drive. His decision-making on the fateful pass interference call was great too, as last year he would have likely forced a throw into the middle of the field and been intercepted. Instead he recognized that Holmes had single coverage and decided to let his best, most clutch receiver make a play. It paid off.
It was the first fourth-quarter comeback of his career.
A somewhat quiet day for Greene Lightning (accepting nickname requests for Shonn and LT; I know that one stinks). They were both invisible for large portions of the afternoon, but when Tomlinson needed to find paydirt, he did just that, scoring both of the Jets fourth-quarter touchdowns. They remain the league's best running back tandem.
Wide Receivers/Tight Ends
There was a very even distribution of passes Sunday afternoon. Holmes, Edwards and Cotchery each caught four passes. Keller pulled in three despite suffering what looked like a minor wrist/hand injury early in the game. Braylon recorded his fourth touchdown of the season a beautiful post route on the first play of the second quarter. And Santonio was fantastic as too (at least as a receiver, not a runner), as he drew the game's deciding penalty in the fourth quarter.
Nothing terrible. Nothing great. My favorite part of the victory was Slauson paving the way for LT's game-winning touchdown. An indelible image.
Not their strongest effort. Sione Pouha recorded the unit's lone sack, but beyond that, it wasn't pretty. They failed to put significant pressure on Kyle Orton, allowing him to scramble for multiple first downs. Shaun Ellis did not record a single tackle. And they allowed the league's sorriest rushing attack to manipulate them for 145 yards.
You could make a case, based on this season, that David Harris should have been the one holding out for a contract extension last summer, not that fool in the secondary. Harris led the team with eight tackles today and was a menace in the Broncos backfield. He is by far the Jets best defender.
Bart Scott also played a strong game (his personal foul aside) making five tackles. Pace, Taylor and Thomas combined for seven tackles.
Another strong showing by Cromartie who has taken over the mantle as the team's best cornerback. Revis got beat on multiple plays, including a third-quarter Demayrius Thomas touchdown. I know the announcers said Revis was playing well and he was the victim of great passes and even better throws, but for me, anything less than how he performed last year pisses me off. Until he returns to that level I will resent him.
Nice job by Leonhard being late (as usual!) on his personal foul. Pool played well and Drew Coleman gets better every week. A cap tip to Dwight Lowery for sealing the victory with a turnover for the second straight week.
Grade: Revis: C, Rest of Group: A-
Another superb effort by Nick Folk who drilled a 56-yard field goal to tie the game 10-10 in the third quarter. He recorded a touchback on each of his kickoffs and continues to build his status as a Folk Hero (sorry, I had to).
A nice job by Steve Weatherford as well, who averaged 48.6 yards on his punts including one inside the 20-yard line.
Helluva job by whoever sprayed oil all over the ball before the Broncos' first field-goal attempt. That may have been the weakest long-snap ever.
Their only bad moment was being caught off guard on the Broncos' successful onside kick after their first touchdown.
An overall good job, but Rex's challenging of plays, or lack thereof, was troubling. His initial challenge on the Hat Trick of Errors Play was pointless, and then to ignore the clear drop on Thomas' touchdown two plays later was equally frustrating. When Rex's pride is hurt, like it was after losing a timeout on the Lloyd challenge, he becomes very stubborn, often to a fault.
Luckily, none of that matters.
I was happy that Rex made Revis play, too. You can't let that punk-ass bitch dictate when he does and doesn't play. The boy got paid, now he has to play. Revis at 75 percent or whatever number he gave during the week is better than just about every cornerback in the league. The Jets need him out there, even if it's just as a figurehead.
Totally worth the first-round pick!
Our wonderful new tradition of interviewing a blogger of the upcoming opponent, a practice that has yielded a perfect 4-0 record for the Jets, has come to its sad conclusion---well, kinda. Broncos bloggers can't find time in their Legally Possessing Under An Ounce Of Marijuana schedules to talk to me. But since I do believe the activities of this web page have an impact on the events of Sunday, I've decided to keep the streak going.
What you are about to read may be very confusing, occasionally funny, but more than anything, upsetting. I'm going to interview myself about a team I have not seen play this season. Don't worry though, that's why we have the internet (and an imagination!).
Q: The Ravens did a great job of decimating your team with injuries last week. Running back Knowshon Moreno and wide receiver/kick returner Demayrius Thomas are not expected to play on Sunday, and the defensive trio of safety Brian Dawkins, cornerback Andre Goodman, and linebacker Robert Ayers have already been declared out.
How about we go out back, I'll kick ya in the nuts, and we'll call it a day?
A: That's really sweet of you, but I'm going to decline. Even with the injuries, we're a tough play at home. Your team has a history of struggling west of the Mississippi, and given the long flight and high altitude here, we have a feeling the old Sanchise may re-emerge and hyperventilate on the field. That's really our only hope at the moment. Of our two wins, one was versus a putrid Seahawks team, and the other miraculously came two weeks ago in Tennessee because their kick returner forgot to catch a kickoff in the fourth quarter. Our leading rusher in that game had 11 yards---it was our quarterback Kyle Orton.
Q: Speaking of Orton, I'm very intrigued with what your coaching staff is doing with him. He's on pace to throw for an NFL-record 5,546 yards and attempt 682 passes, the second most in league history. With no semblance of a running game, do you hope to see his arm detach from his body before the season's conclusion?
A: I'm not going to lie. I've thought about it long and hard...and I want it to happen. It's a realistic possibility! He's been sacked the third-most times in the league and many of those shots have been vicious. Even when Moreno plays, he is not your prototypical "workhorse." Even better, I have Brandon Lloyd on my fantasy team and he's on pace to break Jerry Rice's single-season receiving yards record! We have no chance of winning the Super Bowl, so why not be the first team to play an amputee at quarterback?! Even if his arm falls off during the game, I'm sure Tebow's healing powers could reattach it afterward.
Q: Ah, Tebow. Another fine transition. How do you feel about the fact you wasted a first-round pick on a position that you have filled, and left other gaping holes on your roster unattended?
A: (Thinking) You know what? You're totally right. But that picture of him in training camp with his head shaved like the San Diego Padre mascot, that made it soooo worth it.
Q: (Nodding head) Since head coach Josh McDaniels beat his former team, the Patriots, in Week Five last season, and celebrated like a Roman gladiator after having slayed an army of starved lions, your team has won only four of 15 games. What's gone wrong with Joshy Mac?
A: First of all, that's not his nickname; I don't know where you got that from. But in answer to your question, I think the 6-0 start last season was a bit of an aberration. We were obviously lucky to win the STOKELY WOW!!!!!! game, the Browns and Raiders were jokes, the Cowboys game had a crazy fourth-quarter comeback, and the Patriots, well, they just weren't that good last year. I think the great start created unreasonable expectations for McDaniels and the team. With that said, if you start the season 6-0 you should make the playoffs, and this offseason, he and the front office did little to fix the team's problems. Barring a 10-loss or worse season, I think he'll be back next year, but he'll definitely be on a short leash.
Q: How do you feel about the fact the 1998 AFC Championship Game was the first and only time I've cried over my team losing a game? (Note: I cried when Keith Lockhart's triple gave the Braves a lead in the 15th inning, only minutes before Ventura poked one into a rainy New York night.) Had it not been for Keith Byars and Alex Van Dyke's butter fingers, we would have won that game and then spanked the Falcons in the Super Bowl. You know that, right? Right?!?!
A: (Stretching out body; deep breath) Yeah that's a shame. Really thought you had something when Blake Spence blocked that punt and you guys went up 10-0 in the third quarter. Too bad Curtis Martin tanked like Barry Bonds in the playoffs pre-steroids, and that John Elway was John Elway and Vinny Testaverde was Vinny Testaverde. Get 'em next time.
Q: (Sobbing) Just tell me how Sunday's game will play out.
A: Oh take it easy! The Jets will win. You'll have a hard time of it at first because we are a good home team, but once you realize we throw EVERY play, I think Rex and the defense will adjust. Your offense should put its now usual 20+ points on the board and you'll be off to your bye week with a 5-1 record sitting atop the AFC East.
Final Score: Jets 24, Broncos 9no comments
I'm out of clever headlines. It's just been a rough couple weeks for Brett Favre's groin. Can't help but smile, then hysterically laugh.
Let's break it down...
0:03- Favre hit in nuts.
0:04- Pauses, takes a second to fully comprehend what just happened.
0:05- Goes down like he was shot (wishes he actually had been).
0:06- Begins to feel the pain travel up into his stomach. This is the apex of pain.
0:08- Other Vikings quarterbacks look on nonplussed. Offer no support or condolences. Thinking, "It's about time. That **** steals my job every summer."
0:12- Favre counts his testicles. Makes sure his jersey number matches the length of his dong.
0:15- Gasping for air on ground. Checking vitals. Makes sure he's not in shock.
0:19- Slowly gets up. Limps like he just took a nasty poo and didn't wipe.
0:23- Vikings coach walks over, laughs at him.
It's still doesn't compare to the original masterpiece produced by Hans Moleman, but it's still good. Very good.
Triumphant, The Likely Lad emerges from the New Meadowlands early Tuesday morning...
Did you see the second miner reach the surface in Chile last night? The Bolivian dude? The one who was dancing and hollering and handing pet rocks to people? Yea, that’s about how I felt (and acted) after leaving the New Meadowlands early Tuesday morning. Trapped? Check. Claustrophobic? Check. Hungry? Check (my Pepper ‘n’ Eggs were scandalously undercooked). Surrounded by brutes in a confined space? Double check, for like five hours.
Delirious or not, I kept some notes. So…
As you may recall, Rex Ryan has a peculiar hitch in his speech, a sort of verbal trope the listener might only notice after a year or so of press conferences. It goes like this: When you would say, "I didn't know," Rex says, "I never knew." When you'd say, "I did not anticipate that happening," Rex would say, "I never anticipated that happening." Basically, the guy always says "never!" He never says "not!"
Alas, Five Things We Never Knew About The 2010 Jets (and me).
1) Favre Favre Favre, Favre Favre Faaaa-favre!! That’s it! No mas! I never knew how much I hated the man. All week long I’d been asking anyone who’d listen what they thought would be the most profane insult directed at mister 10-years-of-life-for-every-
(Addendum: Every day Roger Goodell waits on Jenn Sterger’s “cooperation” just adds to the “sexting” farce. Rog might as well negotiate the hush money deal himself. The commish is a tough guy when it comes to Pacman Jones, but when it’s Favre—a first-degree sociopath, more so than any of us dreamed—he turns his office into the fucking Warren Commission.)
2) We never knew just how good the Jets running game and run defense were… until Monday night. The Vikings had not allowed a team to rush for 150 yards in 51 games. Shonn Greene and LaDainian Tomlinson combined for a cool 151. There are things people return to in sports, images of athletes doing things that make you gasp. For New York fans of a certain age, there’s Reyes rounding second, Jeter and that jump throw shit he does on balls to his right, etc. Well, I’m officially adding LT turning the corner to that list. I know it’s been just a handful of games, but I’m smitten. No one knows how long he’ll hold up (at 12-15 carries per game, it should be a least a year or so), but I’m glad to say we’re seeing it now. It’s a tribute to the O-line of course, but also to the blocking by the wide receivers.
Oh, and that other guy, Greene? He’s been damn good, too. Wasn’t ready after Buffalo to make any grand declarations, but his punishing effort last night showed he’s no one-half of one year wonder.
On the other side of the ball, it’d be a bit of a stretch to say, “Adrian Who?” But the Vikings big back, though always a threat, was basically held in check. Save for three or four big runs (mostly to the outside), AP spent most of the night tangled up in Green at the line of scrimmage. The Jets front four is not the biggest, nor is it terribly fast, but it might have the best average of the two in all of football. And then there’s David Harris. He was Peterson’s bête noire, repeatedly snuffing out, often plain out snuffin’ Vikings inside rushes.
3) We never knew that three men, with the experience they have in all levels of football, could so horribly mismanage the clock at such a crucial moment of the game. Not much more to say about this one. You are up by two points with just more than two minutes to play. Either the quarterback snaps the ball at 2:01 or, if you’re worried that gives the defense too much of an advantage (if you know when the ball’s coming out, you can get off the line damn fast), then use one of those timeouts at 2:01. Rex knew how bad it was and brought it up in the postgame before anyone could ask. Regardless, we’re officially on Dick Curl alert.
BC Note: I know it's not an original idea, but every NFL team should have its clock management guy be one the 32 best Madden players in the world. He never would have let that happen Monday night.
4) We never knew that Nick Folk… no, nooooo, still too soon!
5) We knew, but never knew just how good Jim Leonhard is at tackling in the open field. What he gives up in coverage (a lot) the little Badger makes up for twice over with his smart, physical play. It’s not just about diving at fumbles with no helmet (see: last season at San Diego, Week 19; the guy is smart, takes brilliant angles to the ball carrier. By my count, Leonhard saved two touchdowns Monday night, one time cutting down the shockingly fast and apparently off-to-the-races Harvin on a kickoff return, then taking a brilliant angle on the shockingly fast and big AP on one of the latter’s few effective runs up the middle.
Short week, folks. Looks like Revis is practicing today. I never thought he’d become the one sore point in this otherwise fantastic start to the season, but there’s a lot we never knew. Seeya next Wednesday!
Yeah, I bet you liked the rain you pervert!
I got lost in the moment. I listened to them tell me how much "magic" he has left. How no game is ever over when he's under center. Than when this legendary quarterback has the ball, you better hold your breath and pray to the football heavens.
As Dwight Lowery danced his way into a rain soaked Meadowlands end zone, capping a 29-20 Jets victory Monday night, it hit me. Why was I nervous? It was Brett Favre at quarterback for the Vikings. The same guy who has had his final pass of the past three seasons intercepted, the same guy who has the decision-making skills of an 8-year old playing Madden, but most of all, the same guy who has choked in the big spot for the past 13 years.
I know Monday night's win should be more about the Jets and not the Vikings, and we will get there, but first and foremost it's about Favre. The cowardly, treacherous, narcissist blinds you with his prodigous career numbers---70,000 yards! Ooooo! 500 touchdowns! Ahhhh! 288 consecutive games! Eeeeeeee! Wait, what's the last one? He's played in every game since I was allowed to crap my pants and it be socially acceptable??? You're saying he's a stat compiler who has started more games, thrown more passes, and been intercepted more times than any quarterback in NFL history?!
So you're saying, he's...overrated?
I'm afraid that's what I'm saying. Whether it is Corey Webster, Phillip Merling or Terry Porter, Favre has shown consistently over the past three years he is not to be trusted with the game on the line, and last night, he reinforced that feeling.
He gave you the "young boy just having fun" look when he jumped into Moss' arms after the touchdown, a charade so trite and transparent that it will make me think LeBron actually cares about the Boys and Girls Club at The Decision: Part II, in five years. But he also gave you the pursed lipped headshake after the Lowery pick that reminded you why this guy is an all-time phony. I can't tell you how happy I am that we took a big step in ending his career last night.
OK, as for the Jets.
Jolly good effort, chaps! That's all!
Just kidding. They played splendidly for most of the evening, with the defense struggling for a 13:59 stretch late in the second half when Minnesota put up all 20 of its points.
Let's break it down by position.
Quarterback: A good but not great game from The Sanchise. I thought he looked great in the first half as he was the victim of some tough drops by all four of his main targets. The rain did have an effect on him but not to the point that Francesa will say tomorrow, "I knowah the Jets won, but dah Califawnia kid, Sanchez, he couldn't handuhl da slippery bawl. Bill always told me doze kids out dere in SoCal can't handuhl New Yawk's weathuh. It just doesn't wuhrk!" Nah, you won't hear that tomorrow. I'd wait until the Jets first playoff game until he unleashes that tirade. But yeah, effective game by Sanchez. He has not thrown an interception through five games. At this point last year he had thrown six.
Running Back: The duo of LT and Greene continues to give me the supreme confidence this team can and will win the Super Bowl. They're both great individually and as a pair they're damn near unstoppable. LT is a gift from (football) heaven.
Wide Receivers/Tight Ends: Not their greatest performance as the slick playing conditions hurt their route-running and pass-catching abilities. I do think once they all get on the same page, Santonio's addition will make them an even more potent unit. Keller was the recipient of double-coverage almost all night long. Yes, that leaves Braylon, Holmes, and Cotchery to roam free. I know...I am too.
Offensive Line: They did allow two sacks and three QB hits, but their work in the ground game was superb. Plus, Slauson almost had Sanchez killed twice. That's progress!
Defensive Line: I never know how to judge the Jets D-line. I feel like they serve no purpose other than to distract the opposition's O-line and just create room for the linebackers and blitzing safeties to get to the quarterback. Oh, wait. I just described a 3-4 defense. Whoops. Solid game by the Pouha-DeVito-Ellis troika. Also, you had to love Favre spin-moving around Gholston on the two-point conversion. The dude will never get a sack!
Linebackers: Great game by David Harris who laid the wood on Adrian Peterson all night long. Cheers to Calvin Pace too, as his 1.5 sacks were a welcome addition to the team. Quiet night (at least in terms of stats) from Bart Scott and Bryan Thomas.
Secondary: You could make a strong case Cromartie is the Jets best cornerback in 2010. Revis joked after the game they'll have to flip a coin to see who gets to cover the other team's top wide receiver from now on. Honestly, I'd just give it to Cro at this point. Despite displaying a complete lack of knowledge about two-point conversions by trying to run his pick back for a score, and despite allowing a long touchdown to Moss, Cromartie dominated for much of the evening. Leonhard had a strong game as well, leading the team with nine tackles and recording a QB hit. Brodney Pool had two nice pass deflections, as well.
As for Revis, he said after the game his hamstring hurt more than he expected it and it had swollen up considerably. Good. I hope he doesn't play next week. He's starting to make me sick. He got beat on several occasions and looked rusty and uninterested in other situations. I'm sure his hammy was hurting, but when you pull the shit he did this summer, a nagging injury cannot be an excuse.
Grade: Revis: C- Rest of Group: A-
Special Teams: Best. Game. Ever.
After his MVP performance on Hard Knocks and strong start to the regular season, I think it's time Westhoff get statue consideration if the Jets win this whole damn thing. Nick Folk went 5-5 on FG and 2-2 on PAT. Weatherford had a 46.3 average boot with four landing inside the 20. And Brad Smith's 86-yard return after the Moss touchdown re-usurped momentum for the Jets. Well done, boys.
Coaching: I'd give them an A+ too, but the decision to call pass plays in the fourth quarter on second-and-11 and third-and 11, without making sure the two-minute warning went into effect, was so asinine and clearly retarded I must deduct points---not that they care.
Grade: A-no comments
The last time I felt like this was in the early summer days of 2006. The Mets were storming through the National League and no American League club had distinguished itself as the "team to beat."
Four months later and...
Shit. Bad analogy.
You get the point, though. You know where I was going with that.
For the first time since 1970, no NFL team will start the season with a 4-0 record. As of this afternoon, the Jets have the best point differential in the league. They are one lousy point and as Trevor Pryce said, one Braylon Edwards penalty away from having an undefeated record. The team has not started the season with a 3-0 record in the division since the ephemeral Al Groh Era, and to boot, Monday night is the 10-year anniversary of the Midnight Miracle---a good omen, no?
The competition within the conference comes from the North. The Steelers and Ravens are the main roadblocks on the Jets trek to Dallas. That's not to say the re-born "53-man Patriot" squad won't ruin the Jets chances of a divisional title and a bye in the playoffs, but the class of the AFC is clearly dem Yinzers and Crabcake-eating, hypocrite team-stealing folk in Maryland. The good news is they will likely take care of each other. The second-place team will assume the No. 5 seed in the AFC and will have to win a road game in the first round before traveling to either Pittsburgh or East Rutherford for a second round grudge match.
As for the NFC, record-wise, the Falcons and Bears are the class of the conference. Would either make the playoffs in the AFC? It's debatable.
If you just vomited in your mouth reading the previous paragraphs, thinking, "I can't believe this punk-ass bitch blogger just jinxed the best thing going in my life!" I apologize, but remember who I'm taking my cue from.
"We don't have anything to hide," head coach Rex Ryan said at his Friday's press conference. "We have great people in our locker room, so what do we have to be afraid of or ashamed for? Go ahead and show it off. I think that's who we are."
Jason Taylor, a man who was only recently immersed into Ryan's culture of boastsful beats bashful, echoed his coach's sentiment.
"People don't want to set themselves up for failure and Rex isn't afraid to fail. And I love that you can't be afraid to fail," he said.
Me too, Jason. I have an uncomfortable amount of confidence in this team. It's a feeling that makes me nervous at times, but I'm becoming more at ease with it by the week. I have no idea what the ceiling is for the "full Voltron Jets." We haven't even seen them at full force yet. That's a scary good thought.
Despite their 1-2 record, the Vikings will provide an excellent test for the Jets Monday night. They were one stupid Brett Favre interception (redundant, I know) away from representing the NFC in the Super Bowl last season. And now they've essentially traded Sidney Rice for Randy Moss, a trade that leaves them a better team, in my opinion. (They'll be even dirtier when Rice returns from his hip injury.)
The Jets best offensive, defensive, and most prolific pass-rusher return to the lineup tonight.
I know because of the past 41 years you're thinking, "They're going to ruin the chemistry! OhBoyOhBoyOhBoy..."
Please don't do that.
"Fear not, fans. This team will not let you down. Believe in them and they will reward you. Who's going to beat them?!"
-Buddy Crutchfield, June 24, 2006no comments