| 26 October 2011
Three Super Bowls or not, he CANNOT be let off the hook for this. Why has The Post never had this on a backpage?!? Look at the goat's face! You can see him laughing!
As you may have heard in recent days, Patriots tight end Rob Gronkowski was chastised by team owner Robert Kraft for taking shirtless photos with porn star BiBi Jones during his bye week (he was shirtless, not her). Allthough there was no explicit nudity, and Jones denied sleeping with him (but admitted she wish she had), Gronkowski still got shit for it from Kraft and head coach Bill Belichick. He issued a public apology on Wednesday afternoon.
Huh, right? What did he do wrong?
If Gronkowski played for the Jets he likely would have been lauded for making good use of his free time and staying out of trouble. Hell, Rex probably would have quipped he was surprised it wasn't Sanchez taking a shirtless picture. But that's just how the Jets and Patriots roll, and in this scribe's humble opinion, the Jets roll in a much more fun way.
So with that said, let's find out what some of our favorite boys are doing with what is hopefully their last free Sunday until mid-February.
Joe McKnight and Nick Folk: Getting full body blood transfusions. We didn't think the league was going to test for HGH this season. Now these stupid politicians may screw us. We decided that our only way of making the team this year was to juice...and look how well it's worked! Plus, who are we hurting? Jets fans love us now! We knew this season was too good to be true.
Mark Brunell: Buying a new pair of binoculars. I see my smokin' hot daughter getting into some rich guy's car every night, but I can't tell who it is and she keeps giving me this fake name (I know it's fake cos they're not Facebook friends...that shit's accurate right?). Anyway, last night I saw his bumper sticker had a Mexican USC Trojan on it so I'm thinking it's Mark. It was only a matter of time...
Darrelle Revis: Hangin' out with mah boy Tannenbaum. I really like the way he talks down to people. It rubs me the right way. See, everyone thought it was OK that I hung up on Francesa cos he has a bigger ego than I do, but if you listen to that interview objectively---meaning, you forget who's asking the questions---and you'll realize I was the one being rude and disrespectful! And all that garbage about some PR mook telling me to hang up, that was Mr. T! He was sitting there with flash and cue cards telling me exactly what to say. I couldn't have done it without him!
Aaron Maybin: Bringin' the Mayhem! down to Happy Valley. We've got a game Saturday versus Illinois and then at night I'm gonna head over to the G-Man. That's where the nickname originated. When the line gets insufferably long everyone starts chanting, "May-hem! May-hem!" and then I take a running start and sack their jack ass bouncers, especially that balding one with the red hair. Everyone then storms into the bar and mayhem ensues. It's a great tradition.
Shonn Greene: Looking for cartilage infusions for the back of my head. The reason my helmet falls off at least once a game is because my head is in the shape of a toaster. No helmet fits it properly. I wear that skull cap so no one can see its true shape. Wait, why am I talking? I don't speak to the media.
The Beautiful Mind: Having a RAGER at my house! Oh, you didn't hear?! Marty won the UFL championship last week! It is his first ever championship of any kind! We're celebrating it! I'm so proud of Dad! So what if he failed miserably with Super Bowl-caliber teams in Cleveland, Kansas City and San Diego, he created me, the most Beautiful thing to ever grace an NFL sideline. Earnest Byner's going to be there. Steve Bono, too. You know, all the guys who starred on his teams who choked in the playoffs. Oh, and that's right, LT is going to be there, too!
Since I feel so guilty about not Establishing him this season, I have a present waiting for him. It's a paper statue of him, made out of every play from last year's playbook that involved Establishing him, sculpted into one magnificent edifice! He's going to love it! It truly is the most Beautiful thing I have ever created! And as we all know, that's really saying something...
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